How to Avoid a Disastrous Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day is next Thursday.

I know what you’re thinking, right? Who cares? Well, a lot of people—given Valentine’s Day is the second most celebrated holiday in the world besides New Year’s. If you don’t believe me, look on Wikipedia or go to the nearest mall. See what I mean?

Sometimes it’s best to face the beast full on rather than going through great lengths to escape it.

For instance…

If you are married to a guy who doesn’t see the point in Valentine’s Day (especially after marriage!), there are a couple of ways to go around it. What I do is, I use the same strategy I use for special dates, such as anniversaries and my birthday: I start hammering the idea into his head ahead of time. This way, it won’t happen he’ll say something like, “Oh, is it Valentine’s Day? I forgot.” By the way, don’t you love how men conveniently “forget” things?

So, be ruthless. At least once a day, remind him about Valentine’s Day. Print a picture of the dress you want from the Macy’s website, and leave it on the top of the kitchen island. Just in case, draw a red arrow. Have ProFlowers send him the monthly specials by email. Really, do whatever it takes. What to give such a man? Something painfully practical, like a gift certificate to Home Depot or to that music instrument store.

But what if you’ve just started dating someone two months ago and aren’t sure where you stand? You’re meant to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, but it falls on a Thursday and you two usually  meet on Thursdays anyway. What if he prepared this nice surprise and you went there empty handed? Well, simple solution: Buy a gift for him and put it into your bag. Play by ear and wait to see if he has a gift for you. If he does, you’ll open your smart purse and smile inside because you have one for him too—and also because this relationship might go somewhere. If he doesn’t have anything for you and doesn’t even mention Valentine’s Day, he’s a sadist. So unless you’re into BDSM, get out while you can.

What if you’re single? There are a lot of different options here for this one. A) You’re single, fierce, and don’t need these silly dates to remind you you’re better off alone. Whenever you feel like diving into a cookies-and-cream ice cream pint or taking calls from telemarketers just to talk to someone at the end of the day, just think of your best friend’s husband. Really. What was she thinking? She married the most inconsiderate, rude human being on Earth. There are times, in fact, you feel like sending him a thank you note because his existence reminds you every day that you’re better on your own (until the right guy comes along, that is). So anyway, great. You’ve got it all worked out. B) You really try not be angsty or go on a rant every time someone asks you about Valentine’s Day. You don’t have a date this year, and that’s totally fine with you. Friends and family often envy your effortless self-confidence. You know that, just like this silly blog post, Val’s day, too, shall pass. C) You normally wouldn’t care (see B), except the office where you work looks like one of those seasonally decorated stores. There are little hearts everywhere, and even the temp has her share of Hallmark cards at her desk. You know everyone will be getting flowers. And bears. And phone calls. Sadly, you don’t have any sick days left. And you dated two guys from different departments over the past six months. Solution: Send yourself flowers. Tons of them. Have the people of the office guess. And when you open the card, chuckle and say something like, “He’s crazy.” If anyone asks, just say you’re not seeing anyone and this was just someone you met. That’ll kill ‘em. :) 

 Do you have a funny or memorable Valentine’s Day story to share? Please leave a comment to enter the Amazon $25 gift certificate giveaway. I’ll announce the winner on February 16^th.  Meanwhile, let’s keep hoping. :)