Gym Confessions: Week Three
I knew there was something off when I went to the cardio area and the other thick-boned girl was still there. Why was she still hanging around? We had this unspoken agreement for one of us to leave whenever the other arrived, as neither of us wanted to draw attention. Yet, there she was, and with a shake of my head I got on with my day suspecting – no, knowing – the third week was going to suck.
Boy, was I right! My P.T. showed me a machine that could have a supporting role in a James Bond movie and asked me, “How do you tuck in your stomach?”
“I wear Spanx,” I said without delay.
She sighed. (Yes, poor thing.)
I asked her if there was a way I could keep my butt and just lose weight in my problem areas (stomach, arms, thighs). This might come as a shock, but there are parts of my body I’d like to keep as is – my derriere, for instance. Wouldn’t that be swell? I visualized myself as a Latin version of Jessica Rabbit.
As it turns out, I have to lose weight ALL AROUND, and tons of it, first. THEN I start to tone EVERYTHING. Phew. That’s a lot of work, folks. I could be writing, working, talking to someone on the phone, or fishing. I’ve never fished a day in my life, but if it kept me from working out, I’d be happy to give it a swing…although I doubt I’d be quiet enough. Okay, so with that in mind, I decided once again to give this workout torture a try.
By the way, I noticed on my stats page that a large part of my blog audience (yes, all ten of you) is from Russia. Isn’t that awesome? I actually got this email from this Russian girl, Anna, who was looking for American workout tips and somehow ended up on my blog. Is that ironic or what? Anyway, she read my stuff and liked it, and was sweet to say hi. So since Anna was so nice to go through all that trouble, I thought it’d be only fair to share the only thing I’ve learned so far about working out. Are you ready?
If it’s not hurting, it’s not working. This is from someone who did stretches today with something called foam rollers. They look like those colorful, cute spaghetti-shaped floaters kids play with at the pool. But once you slide them underneath your knees and start rolling (slowly, of course), they become a nightmare. J Pretty much every time I’m stretching my arms and legs and it seems too easy, I know it is because I’m not “pressing enough” or “stretching enough.” When I stretch the right way, yes, it hurts. Just when I work out the right way (not slacking and actually increasing the speed and incline on the treadmill), it hurts.
Now it’s time to go back to my writing, where my characters will do another type of working out. J