How Motherhood Has Improved my Writing Journey

     I have been a mother for three and a half years, and I have been a closet writer for much longer than that. However, it was only after Scarlett had been born that I felt the urge to send my material to publishing houses, to write actively, and most of all, to ask for help. Coincidence? I honestly don’t know.

    I can’t help but think motherhood has empowered me to go after my dream. Perhaps because life became so chaotic that I needed an outlet more than ever. Perhaps it was due to happen anyway. Either way, motherhood has taught me these things about writing:

·         Asking for help – I have always tried to fix what was wrong myself—or maybe fix what I had broken before anyone noticed. Whatever. Having a preemie baby (my daughter was born at 31 weeks and stayed at the NICU for 41 days—yep, I use that card whenever I can) really opened my eyes to my limitations. I could only do so much on my own. I had to start listening to doctors, nurses, friends, and even my mom—which I tried to avoid, having been a lifelong victim of Catholic Guilt and all. But moving on … whether I agreed with them or not, I had to stop and listen, ponder, and decide, which is not much different from writing. If we write for ourselves and never plan to share with the world, we can be the dictators of our keyboard. But if we want to have a chance at getting published, we need to get out of our comfort zone and reach out to critique partners, writing companions, editors, writers groups, on-line classes, workshops, and conferences. We need to show our work, regardless of the outcome.  

·         Sometimes, it is what it is – You can only do so much. A part of me always tries harder, and that’s a part I want to encourage (sadly, that doesn’t include dieting harder. Or dieting at all. Boo.). But when it comes to writing, to get that “thanks, but no thanks” letter or email just really sucks. While it may be a good eye opener to question your proposal or ideas, at the same time, it may also be that you didn’t have the right project for the right publisher at the right time.

·         Prioritizing skills – Any mother knows this. Should I take a shower or enjoy fifteen extra minutes in bed? Should I go to sleep early or have sex? On which project should I focus? What should I do today—edit, write, read, critique, pull my hair out, or all of the above? I struggle with prioritizing a lot, especially when I have more than one project at hand.

·         Time is not just money, but words … and naps – I believe that the #1 advice I got throughout my pregnancy was sleep when she is sleeping. Yeah, right. Most of the time, I was doing laundry, making food, checking emails, making sure my three dogs were fed and going outside (and remembering to bring them inside), breast pumping, and trying to make long calls to the insurance people (who from time to time send us a Mickey Mouse bill for 60,000 dollars) when she was sleeping, especially during the day. I gotta say, though, I got a lot done in those two or three hours. Most of it was boring and chore-like but, hey, it had to be done. It taught me to make the most of my time. Nowadays, I don’t wait for that perfect time to write. I take notepads everywhere, in case ideas strike when I’m least prepared. I squeeze in 200 words while cooking spaghetti, which explains a lot about my cooking skills. I even feel a degree of relief when my doctor says she’s running late and I have twenty extra minutes with my IPad in the exam room.

     Learning never stops, be it about motherhood or writing. I feel like I’ve learned a lot, yet at the same time, I’m at the very beginning and there are so many delightful and exhilarating emotions that I still haven’t savored. They say that every phase is different and that it gets easier with time. Well, let’s see about that. J

Days 3, 4 & 5 at the RT Booklovers Convention in Chicago

Since the last days were so hectic, I decided to write one blog post and highlight my favorite moments.

·        I enjoyed the Name that Vampire game. The room was filled with vampire-loving readers, and Entangled’s Lissa Kessler, Caridad Pineiro, and Laura Kaye were amongst the hosts. At the end, there were tons of prizes and I had to brace myself. For the first time in twenty-nine (okay, thirty!) years, I won something—a bouquet of autographed black flowers and a shirt that read World’s Biggest Vampire Fan. I felt like an imposter, but it looked cool so I’m happy! I guess I have to stop saying I never win anything in raffles.

·        A high-powered panel of accomplished authors, such as Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Louisa Edwards, and Jodi Thomas, delivered a great presentation titled Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary. It focused on contemporary romance, which I liked. They talked about how hard it is to make a good contemporary romance work without lots of external plots involving werewolves, vampires, serial killers, etc. Everything must come from the emotions, the inner conflicts that make us who we are. I really enjoyed Susan Elizabeth Phillips’ sense of humor and how she told us she likes to have male characters who act like typical males (not like women trapped in men’s bodies). I can’t wait to read The Great Escape, which comes out in July.

·        On a personal note, I met my senior editor for the first time on Day 3 and that was, well, kind of awesome.

·        Freelance editor Rie Langdon had everyone on their toes with her presentation on point of view (POV). She has over 25 years of experience in the field and said most publishers she works with are adamant about having only one POV per scene. To some extent, I agree. As a reader, I don’t like head-hopping. However, sometimes in the first chapter I’m okay with two POVs, as long as we see one, then the other. I feel this is when I most want to connect to the hero and heroine. A lot of the time, especially with short contemporary romance novels, they can’t disclose their motivations or goals to each other. The POV (or any foreshadowing) helps me to understand them and relate to them a bit more.

·        One thing I feel needs to improve for next year is tech support. Most of the time, there were no microphones or screens for Power Point presentations. Microphones, people! Even my three-year-old has one. I felt bad for people who sat at the back during very interesting workshops and missed out.

All in all, though, I had a great time. I can’t wait to go to next year’s convention in Kansas City :)

Day 2 at the RT Booklovers Convention in Chicago

                Holding out for a Hero was one of my favorite workshops so far. Panelists Cynthia Eden, Lisa Renee Jones, Elisabeth Naughton, and Caridad Pineiro talked about how to create a hero that we can care about. They mainly talked about the alpha hero, the beta hero and the anti-hero. Beta heroes are gaining popularity, they say. They defined the beta hero as the underdog, the man who isn’t comfortable being a hero (in some level, even reluctant to be one). They pointed out that at first it’s hard to sell the beta hero for a paranormal or suspense book, since those genres usually call for take-charge, problem-solver alpha males. However, usually they can introduce the beta hero as the alpha hero’s sidekick; and, as the readers begin to like and want to know more about the beta hero, he usually gets his own book. By the way, Caridad Pineiro is one of the nicest authors I’ve met. She congratulated me for my Indulgence sale and gave me not one, but two hugs.

            Lisa Renee Jones emphasized that the hero can’t just be good-looking. The physical part matters, but what will take the reader into the emotional journey is his inner conflict.

            Cynthia Eden delivered a great speech about the anti-hero. She described him as someone who has the qualities of a villain, but at the same time has qualities we must admire. The key is backstory, letting the reader know why the anti-hero became this way. We don’t have to agree with his actions, only understand why he acts the way he does. Eric, from True Blood, came instantly to my mind. (Sighs)

            Writing Big in a Short Format was presented by Harlequin authors Caitlin Crews, Molly O’Keefe, and Ann Voss Peterson. They delivered a succinct, strong, and enjoyable presentation about three key factors (emotion, characters, and plot) to keep in mind when writing novellas or short, contemporary romances. Really, these three are connected. Molly said that the magic happens when we bring fresh characters to tried and true tropes (like the secret baby, the sheik, the bad boy millionaire, etc). The secret is to find the specificity of these characters, what makes them unique and what will make them different from what else is out there. Ann talked about plot and how every scene in the book must move the story forward. Asking questions out loud, like “What does my character want?” and “What will make my character change?” may help. She also said that she outlines an emotional arch, which I thought was pretty cool.

            Caitlin Crews finished the presentation by talking about the importance of raw, naked emotion. It’s about showing not only how the character reacted physically, but also inside. What did the heroine feel when the hero told her he was leaving?

            Another workshop I enjoyed was Surviving Edits and Revisions, by Stacey Kade and Linnea Sinclair. They talked about their experiences and shared letters from editors. Upon receiving a long list of revisions from your editor, here’s what they suggested: First, go through the positive feedback and small changes. Second, edit the things that you don’t necessarily agree with, but that won’t kill you if changed. Last, do the ones you don’t agree with. They also said that editing is a cooperative effort; so if there’s something you feel strongly about, you can tell your editors something like, “I can see why you think that way, but this is what I was trying to do,” and see what happens. Hey, trying never hurts, right?

            Last but not least was What’s Hot Now. Panelists Kelli Collins, Lindsey Fober, Miriam Kriss, Kate Pearce, Reece Butler, and Kelly Jamieson all talked about the trends of erotica romance. I really enjoyed watching these smart and funny women share their ideas on the matter. They talked about the rise of erotica romance, and how it’s gaining popularity even amongst traditional New York publishers. Agent Miriam Kriss said that she doesn’t think this will be permanent, but would like it to be. EC Senior Editor Kelli Collins is confident that erotica romance is in high demand. Someone from the audience pointed out that she has finally started to notice male/male books gaining space on the shelves. I was surprised to find out that male/male books are written by women, for women. Someone said that the ones written by gay males are different in style, content, and emotion level. Interesting stuff.

            Well, that’s it for now. I just wanted to share my impressions before I forget them—I might have a couple of drinks later, so it’s a possibility.

            What do you think about these trends?

RT Booklovers Convention 2012

Yay!  I'm in Chicago!

The convention is so much fun and overwhelming at the same time... I totally see how readers (and writers) get hooked and keep coming. The parties are good, too. I can't wait for Kimberly Lang's workshop.  Did I mention that Maisey Yates herself gave me her books? She is really nice and charismatic. And yes, I hyperventilated :D

I will blog again once I get off the RT high.  

Have a good one, everyone!